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More often than ever when sharing something honest

More often than ever when sharing something honest I get a DM along the lines of 'well it's okay for you because...'. Before naming an element of privilege.

Is it okay for me? Truly, you don't know if it's 'okay' for me or not because you don't know the behind the scenes. Everything, EVERYTHING you see is a snapshot. A flash in time. A surface level photograph regardless of how many words are captioned along side it.

I feel like the more our realities become intertwined with the online word, the more our need for connection is fed with surface level communication, the more we need to see the spectrum of human vulnerability online to feel reassured that it exists outside of ourselves, our homes and our heads.

It's dangerous.

My 'ok' or 'not okay' looks and feels different to yours. And the important thing is, my 'not okay' is absolutely, fundamentally, not a criticism, reflection, ruler to use as a measure, or invalidation of your 'not okay'. Your 'not okay' is valid. Deeply.

Maybe, in the hierarchy of human experience, your 'not okay' is worse, harder, scarier, more painful than my 'not okay'. And that's okay. If you were to sit and share your story and your heart with someone, you'd feel that empathy and acknowledgement in a quality that pixels can never truly compete with.

This is the important bit.....ONLY YOU and those walk alongside you can be the anchoring, loving, comforting, crucial voice given the power to touch your deep human need to be seen.

I LOVE seeing how we can, with the right support and insight, become that voice of self-validation, we can change SO MUCH in our lives. I love witnessing people choosing who they give the power to build them up.

Anyway - Friday musings. Husband is WFH today and the kids have just gone to a club, so I had a glorious moment on the sofa.

Comment TRUTH to get the preorder link to The Uncomfortable Truth that will take you on this wild and liberating ride x

Could you do with being a little more selfish?

I’m not encouraging you to start shunning the needs and emotions of your children, instead I’d love you to think about how it might look to be a bit more selfish-er…and keep the kids happy at the same time!

Axx

In this final (for now) guest episode of The Thera

In this final (for now) guest episode of The Therapy Edit before I take a bit of a pause on this format to make way for something new and special, I chat to @katemoyletherapy , Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist, about her One Thing: what does normal mean when it comes to sex?

Kate’s book The Science Of Sex is available to buy now and you can also enjoy Kate’s podcast The Sexual Wellness Sessions -
And of course you can follow her on Instagram.

We hope you love the listen. As it’s my last guest one for a while don’t forget to rate and review.

All love,

Anna and Kate x

#therapy #sex #psychotherapy

Photo © copyright Matt Writtle

I can be kind, but I can’t control the lenses ot

I can be kind, but I can’t control the lenses others see me through.

If you want to feel more accepting and comfortable with this truth....

Comment TRUTH

I'll send the link to preorder my book which is out in TWO WEEKS!!!!!

EEK! Is this something you’d like to address for yourself?
 Ax

We find it so hard to recognise our limits and fai

We find it so hard to recognise our limits and failings in feeling ‘not good enough’ as a mother that instead of readdressing our standards and expectations, we pledge to try harder tomorrow.

Recognising that you’ll never be enough to parent perfectly, to please everyone, to never need anyone else to support you, is actually the way to thriving over surviving in motherhood.

And do you know what? The most glorious side-effect of leaning into your imperfectness, is that you’ll be giving your child permission to accept their own too!

Axx

Where we find gratitude, we find compassion and em

Where we find gratitude, we find compassion and empathy for others. Often in being grateful, we're aware of what we have in comparison to other's lack. When you can, let gratitude bring you joy, and then the compassion also inspire action. This wave of gratitude prompted me to donate to Wateraid.

What things have you felt grateful for recently that could have gone so easily gone overlooked? X

I’m realising that so often, in the pursuit of p

I’m realising that so often, in the pursuit of parenting brilliantly, I add so much pressure to myself that I am FAR more likely to go POP.

(Popping to me might look like…losing my patience, shouting, feeling high stress in my body, sending my husband a frantic flurry of messages! It means there is likely to be collateral damage, a boat load of guilt, and a dealing out of apologies).

When I feel like I’m heading towards a POP, I’m trying to strip back my parenting standards. Aiming for ‘good enough’ or focussing on the basics.

Finding ways to release some of the feelings, some of the stress. It might look like ranting, running or resting, learning to meet your own needs.

What are you going to do today to release the stress and reduce the likelihood that you will POP?

Axx

It made me laugh when I glanced at my room after f

It made me laugh when I glanced at my room after filming a piece of promo for my book. The absolute chaos of it all compared to the slick presentation.

Isn’t that the truth though? Of life, of comparison, of the bigger picture? We’re all harbouring chaos somewhere.

Here’s a tiny excerpt from the chapter called ‘Some people don’t like you’ with a tip for finding greater self-acceptance.

Comment TRUTH and I’ll DM you a preorder link right away. Out in TWO WEEKS!!!! 
If you believe that fundamentally you’re acceptable, with all your flaws and tangled, messy secrets, then knowing that some people don’t like you doesn’t pack the same punch. This is the hardest nut to crack as the narratives and stories we tell ourselves, and have been told, can run deep. But it’s a nut we can slowly crack, and one that comes with benefits that ripple throughout our lives, our minds, our decisions and our relationships.

Let me ask you this: would you speak to and treat someone you care about in the same way you speak to and treat yourself? This is the greatest litmus test as to whether you’re nudging your self-esteem upwards or downwards with each word and act.

Begin to treat yourself and speak to yourself as you would someone you respect and care for, regardless of the discomfort you feel when you do. That discomfort will ease in time, I promise. As you treat yourself as someone who is acceptable and likeable, then you’ll need less relentless external validation to tell you so.

Next time you find yourself questioning whether yo

Next time you find yourself questioning whether you’re ‘good enough’, or your internal chatter landslides into a torrent of self-criticism, pause and ask yourself this question: ‘according to what standard?’.

This question encourages introspection. If you recognise that you’re reaching for perfectionist standards or expecting too much from yourself when considering your current level of resources, then readjust your aim.

This means that instead of self-shaming statement of ‘I’m not good enough’, you’re more likely to lean towards a problem-solving approach.

This stance turns ‘I’m a failure’ into ‘Oh that didn’t go so well, what can I learn?’, paving the way to acceptance and growth.

I have devoted a whole chapter to ‘I am not good enough’ in my new book ‘The Uncomfortable Truth’.

Recognising that you’ll never be enough to parent perfectly, to please everyone, to never need anyone else to support you, could actually find you enjoying motherhood even more.

Comment TRUTH for a DM with a preorder link.

I can’t wait for you to have it!

Axx

I am SO excited to be doing an author talk in my h

I am SO excited to be doing an author talk in my home city @waterstones on PUBLICATION DAY! What a privilege. Not only this…. but I’ve invited my husband to do the interviewing (he’s more nervous than me, haha!)

If you’re local (or not so local) come along. I’d LOVE to meet you and share some words and thoughts with you.

Comment ‘GUILDFORD’ and I’ll DM you the info.

Get a ticket with or without a book included in the price.

Axxx

I want you to remember, as you escape into social

I want you to remember, as you escape into social media for breathers this summer-

• Certain seasons of parenting ARE harder in certain ways. If you're looking at someone else's summer pics thinking 'I couldn't do that'. Perhaps you can't. Not their kids are 'better' but maybe they're older or different or have less or very different demands. We see snapshots. Only ever snapshots.

• When you feel envy at what someone else's summer looks like - allow yourself to grieve what is missing for you. It's okay to feel sad that your summer is an intricate jigsaw of childcare and long hours when others seem to move through it with ease and picnics. Remember that we idealise what we yearn for. Allow the envy to roll into grief.. and look for those glimmers in your situation.

• Remember, it's your summer too. As you facilitate fun for those around you, remember to add yourself into the picture too. What might that look like for you? A kindle on the park bench, an evening walk with a friend? Those ice creams YOU love in the shopping basket?

• When you need to escape for a moment, consider what you need. Often when we feel overwhelmed we head to THE BUSIEST place in THE WORLD. Social media!! It can compound the issue. Take a breath, gaze at the clouds, message a friend, massage your hands. Mother yourself for a moment

Any other tips?????

I've got more but I'm going to hit my word count.

We're at @hobbledown_epsom having a far from instagrammable day. The farm is amazing but the kids are wildly grumpy. All the gorgeous animals and they only care for the softplay 😂. So I'm leaning in to what is rather than the fantasy of what I'd hoped. We ate lunch in the warm car for some calm (where is the 🌞???) I'm letting them make memories, tearing around whilst I type thoughts for you! Taking this moment for myself. Everyone's happy for now.

Anxiety robs us of so much and so often we experie

Anxiety robs us of so much and so often we experience the heartbreak twice - once imagined, once in reality.

Next time you feel the wave of anxiety arise, try this tip.

Repeat: ‘I will cross that bridge if I get to it’.

This small sentence offers a reminder that much of what you fear doesn’t come to fruition.

It’s an opportunity to reflect on the fact that you’ve survived the crossing of many bridges in your life that at one point might have felt inconceivable.

It’s also an invitation to look around you and observe those who are enjoying full lives after living through your worst-case scenarios.

Axx

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit, I have a

In this solo episode of The Therapy Edit, I have a special little tip to help you lessen your stress in just 30 seconds. It’s a simple tool but can be so effective. Take a listen and I hope you love it.

Comment POD LINK below and we’ll send it straight to your DMs.

Anna x

#stress #therapy

It's your summer too. How are you claiming some of

It's your summer too. How are you claiming some of it for yourself amidst the summer jigsawing of responsibilities?

I shared this the other day and had so many DMs saying magnums had been added to the shopping basket 🙌🏼.

Double Gold Caramel Billionaire @magnum , a @graziauk subscription, some early morning alarms to get some sunshine and steps or some @yogahappy @hannahbarrettyoga in, a new water bottle @bottlebottle_official (I bought this off Amazon. I'm obsessed. I'm a water bottle connoisseur and the suck on this is 👏🏼👏🏼). I'm also being wise with what I say 'yes' to work-wise, so that my work days aren't quite so full of adrenaline. Planning some play dates in with kids who's mum's I happen to love so we can chat as the kids run wild.

How about you??? Any ideas???

Anna xxx

Anna is a mum of three, and a Psychotherapist, Author and Speaker. She is a warm communicator with a passion for taking therapy out of the therapy room.

Her hope is that through words, spoken or written, people will experience light-bulb moments, learn about themselves and be able to find more freedom and enjoyment in life.

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