Move

Some days, we breeze through until we fall into bed tired and content. Some days feel like trudging through sticky treacle, every step requiring strength and muscle, and we fall into bed surprised that we made it through.Some people have more treacle days than others, for some, they are few and far between. Some treacle days are caused by circumstances – work stress, family dramas. Some treacle days are caused by black, hovering clouds inside tired minds.

Move.

Just keep moving.

Some days you’ll leap energetically. Some days it’s one step in front of the other. Some days, it’s tiny little baby steps inching and shuffling through the moments. But the important thing is that you move.

HOW?

1 – Identify what is keeping you stuck where you are. Is it fear of failure?

For some, to move is to be at work on time, to stay awake through meetings. For others, to move is just to make the difficult step of getting out of bed and getting dressed. Perhaps it’s perfectionism or depression. Try and identify what’s holding you where you are.

2 – Start small.

It’s not about ‘winning at life’, it’s about showing up. Be kind to yourself. What little, achievable thing can you do to ‘move’ forward today? Maybe it’s a little shake up of the usual routine, or perhaps it’s about making a call you’ve been avoiding, or jumping into the shower instead of living in your pj’s until the afternoon. Maybe you need to see a friend for encouragement or wisdom.

Whatever you do…just take one step (no matter how small) today that moves you forwards.

What helps you when you’re feeling stuck? xx

World Mental Health Day

Here’s to being OPEN. For openness leads to FREEDOM. Here’s to the end of secrets and shame. Here’s to hugs and kindly faces. Here’s to the TRUTH that we aren’t alone. Here’s to the END of silencing our own anxiety, depression and neuroses. Here’s to HOPE that THERE IS A WAY through. Here’s to the tentative budding choice to believe that WE ARE WORTH IT. Here’s to tears of RELIEF that comes when we take the risk of talking to the right people. Here’s to the beginning of the END OF STIGMA. Here’s to the start of VALUING our own processes. Here’s to RECONCILIATION. Families and relationships REBUILT. Here’s to RECOVERY. Here’s to the investment in making KINDER choices. Here’s to SELF CARE even if it feels unnatural at first. Here’s to picking up the phone to SUPPORT NETWORKS. Here’s to daring to LEAN ON others. Here’s to learning more about what it feels to be ACCEPTED and the conscious act of letting yourself be LOVED. Here’s to chipping away at the power we’ve given abusers and bullies and CLAIMING BACK our ground. Here’s to TAKING UP SPACE in the world and recognising that we DESERVE it as much as the next person. Here’s to starving the critical voice and FEEDING the one that says I’m INNATELY VALUABLE. Here’s to STANDING ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER, brothers, sisters, just finding our way through. Here’s to STARTING THIS JOURNEY. Here’s to CONTINUING THE CONVERSATION about mental health. I cried writing this. I truly believe that every word is possible. If I can spend my entire life sharing, writing and talking about this message in the hopes some of it may provide people with increased freedom and understanding of their worth, I will.

Mum's can't take sick days

ddswI wrote this blog post last year, and have just revisited it as the gross, autumn bugs arrive and I’m not feeling fab:

I have spent the last week tending to my sick toddler. There’s a delightful virus going around boasting a week of stubborn temperatures edging 40. We’ve had additional night wakings, cancelled play-dates, and watched Toy Story on repeat so many times, that I’ve started to see an allure in Woody’s big brown eyes and jaunty hat. Rules on naps and snacks have gone out the window, and I’ve tried (read..’tried’) to bite my tongue over All. The. Whining.

Finally, a week later, bar a persistent cough, he’s on the mend.

Me? Not so much.

For some fantastical reason, I thought I’d be immune to this one. However, my temperature is hovering at 40, and even my wrist bones ache.

I’m not a stranger to being ill with small, demanding dependants on my hands. Along with crippling ‘morning’ sickness when pregnant with Baby C, I had appendicitis in my 12th week of pregnancy. That was eventful. ‘Go home and rest for six weeks’ they said. Yup.

We are great at tending to our little ones (sick husbands though…I’m not so great), but what happens when we find ourselves floored by sickness? I’m going to share some tips with you:

1 – Accept all help

I am categorically horrendous at this one. I find it incredibly hard to accept help. But this last six months (read here) have been hugely humbling. It’s quite something when someone so furiously self-sufficient gets to a place where they realise they simply cannot do it on their own! It’s a vital lesson to learn. A level of self-sufficiency is healthy to a point, but beyond that, it’s detrimental to your wellbeing. When you feel rough, it’s tempting to drag yourself out and carry on as normal, but your body needs relief in order to for your immune system to do it’s job. And it’s hard to find that rest, without accepting help.

It takes a village to raise a child. Not only because children need a world of input, but also because parent’s need lots of support. We are not made to do it on our own. You are not superwoman. Message your antenatal group, call a parent, a neighbour or a fellow mum. Let them be there for you, in whichever way you need, be it picking up an oven meal, or taking the kids to the park. You are not admitting weakness in allowing others to help you, you are accepting an opportunity to be supported, and giving yourself a chance to recover.

2 – Be gentle with yourself

Give yourself permission to be ill. Choose to be kind to yourself. Reduce your expectations of what you ‘should’ do (read my post on how ‘Should’s induce parental guilt. You do NOT need to be guilt tripping yourself right now). Choose not to beat yourself up for the things that you are not doing. But, most importantly, show yourself some of the tenderness and understanding that you show your children when they aren’t well.

3 – Write out a routine

When you are feeling okay, write a detailed routine for your kids as if you were writing for someone who didn’t even know where the fish fingers were kept. Print it out and put it in a drawer. Give failsafe instructions down to how your toddler likes his sandwiches cut, or how long to re-heat baby’s food for in your microwave. It’s always such a good idea to have a printout of this information. You never know when someone might need to step in and take over for a while. When I had my appendix out, I felt a niggle in the morning, and by late afternoon I was hooked up to a drip.

4 – Make Charlie Bigham your friend

I love a Charlie Bigham meal. Shove it in the oven and you have a relatively healthy, wholesome, quick dinner. It’s like having a tiny little chef in your kitchen. If your other half can cook, or someone can drop a meal round, then that’s great! But that’s not always possible.

Do an online shop of easy, quick dinners. I have added some Babease sachets to my online shop. They are wholesome, convenient pouches for babies, high in complex carbs and protiens, and without the fruit fillers that many competitors seem to have. Little Dish do great, nutritionally balanced meals for kids and toddlers too. Give yourself a break from the kitchen.

5 – Keep your medical box stocked up

My bedside stash of Ibuprofen didn’t touch the sides lastnight. I had a midnight rummage in our medicine box for some paracetamol, only to find that we didn’t have any! Make sure you keep your medicine box stocked, so that you’re not cursing your earlier self, feeling rough at 4am.

Research what medicines you can and cannot take when pregnant or breastfeeding. For example, it’s not recommended to take any decongestants when breastfeeding, as some data shows that it may affect supply. Kellymom and the NHS website both have quite a bit of comprehensive information on what you can and can’t take, along with alternatives.

6 – Do the bare minimum

Let the washing pile grow, shove everything haphazardly into the dishwasher (just my norm then), clear the diary. Family life won’t be put on hold for sick mums (sigh), but there are some things that you can take off your plate until you feel better. Do it unrepentantly, try to bat away any guilt. The less you do, the more you are likely to rest, and the quicker you’ll feel better. It might give you itchy palms to see your workload increase, but allocate some of the jobs to friends or family. If not, you’ll tackle it once you feel better, with renewed energy! Be kind to yourself.

7 – Prioritise an easy life over rules

Do what you need to do to get the rest that you need. Amazon Prime a new toy to entertain the kids, download some new films and revel in snacks on the sofa.  They will not morph into undisciplined monsters after a few days of lax rules and convenience foods. You’ll have your game-face back on in no time.