I bet you slip the word ‘should’ into your vocabulary all the time. ‘I really should…’ or ‘I shouldn’t..’
Every time we do this, we are are trying to keep ourselves in check, telling ourselves we ‘should’ feel guilty if we don’t do what we feel we ‘should’ do. It’s an opportunity to conform to norms that are decided by ourselves, other people or society. It’s not always a bad thing, but it’s something that I always question with clients.
“I shouldn’t be upset about this”. Well, why not?? Who’s telling you that you ‘shouldn’t or who are you using as a comparison in order to invalidate your feelings and needs into something to be dismissed?
When we use the word ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ we are often reinforcing the negative or the fact that we are doing something out of duty or in denial of our feelings. I’m not saying you ‘shouldn’t do all the things you feel that you ‘should’ do. I’m saying that language has a huge affect, and it’s sometimes worth thinking about where we have got the beliefs that we ‘should’ do certain things or feel certain ways. It’s about reclaiming back some power, some choice and some responsibility.
Maybe change it for ‘could’?
Some food for thought! xxx
It’s in our nature to present the best bits of our homes, faces; relationships, lives, children. I mean, why wouldn’t we! We KNOW that they are the best bits, we know that there are messy piles out of shot, that the momentary smile has been the only one in the day amidst the grumpy whining, or that the gorgeous meal at the fancy restaurant on holiday we shot, didn’t actuallllly taste that fab.So WHY then do we choose to buy into other’s representation of the better parts of their lives, their best angles, their tidy corners? No, we make a vast and dangerous assumption this is their normality throughout, and we end up self-critical and dis-enchanted.
Even the great parts of our lives fall under this shadow, thus we lose gratitude and enjoyment.
We know the truth of our own circumstances. We know our lives aren’t full of happy faces and ever-clean worktops. So, let’s continue to share the nice photos, but also write and share the rawer side of the truth too. But, lets choose to stop believing the total crap that the snapshots we see of other people’s lives, are the full picture.
Here’s my kitchen right now after a happy whirlwind of friends, kids and @blom_cards packing!
Some days, we breeze through until we fall into bed tired and content. Some days feel like trudging through sticky treacle, every step requiring strength and muscle, and we fall into bed surprised that we made it through.Some people have more treacle days than others, for some, they are few and far between. Some treacle days are caused by circumstances – work stress, family dramas. Some treacle days are caused by black, hovering clouds inside tired minds.
Just keep moving.
Some days you’ll leap energetically. Some days it’s one step in front of the other. Some days, it’s tiny little baby steps inching and shuffling through the moments. But the important thing is that you move.
1 – Identify what is keeping you stuck where you are. Is it fear of failure?
For some, to move is to be at work on time, to stay awake through meetings. For others, to move is just to make the difficult step of getting out of bed and getting dressed. Perhaps it’s perfectionism or depression. Try and identify what’s holding you where you are.
2 – Start small.
It’s not about ‘winning at life’, it’s about showing up. Be kind to yourself. What little, achievable thing can you do to ‘move’ forward today? Maybe it’s a little shake up of the usual routine, or perhaps it’s about making a call you’ve been avoiding, or jumping into the shower instead of living in your pj’s until the afternoon. Maybe you need to see a friend for encouragement or wisdom.
Whatever you do…just take one step (no matter how small) today that moves you forwards.
What helps you when you’re feeling stuck? xx
Sleep! I don’t know about you, but sleep has a direct affect on my emotional and mental health. Oh and physical too! Lack of sleep trashes my tolerance for whining kids, stress and….you know, life.
What are your sleep habits like? Are you a tea and iPad before bed kinda person? Or a hot bath and a good book?
We are a sleep deprived culture! I’ve got some tried and tested tips for you! Recently I’ve had a little breakthrough.. I have often had big patches of insomnia, plus issues with lying awake for hours in the night. I’ve had days that begin at 3.30am due to a wired brain. I have dealt with chronic sleep deprivation with Charlie’s reflux (I’m talking 90 minutes a night, not able to string a sentence together, drive, or stop crying kind of sleep deprivation). When I’m hyped up and excited, anxious or stressed, I get this hyperawareness and buzz that stops me winding down and relaxing. I have a stash of sleep aids in my bedside table, from prescription knock-outs to herbal schmerbal stuff.
However, they’ve recently gone untouched…. I’ve had a breakthrough. I’m not counting my chickens but these things have REALLY helped!
1 – No screen time before bed. I’ve switched from reading a book on my iPhone, to reading a paper book. To calm my mind, I have to read before I sleep as it turns my attention from the internal buzz.
2 – Yoga/relaxation breathing. Have a google of the Body Scan. It’s a phased relaxation technique where you tense and release every muscle in turn.
3 – Aromatherapy. I’m a little obsessed with oils at the moment and the Doterra Serenity oil is THE BOMB! It’s like liquid relaxation. I’m going to get a second diffuser for my bedroom so I can diffuse it. I’ve also been using the This Works Sleep Spray, and the Lush ‘Sleepy’ body lotion (all of these were recommended by you when I had a run of shocking nights…thanks so much). 4 – Write it down! Writing these posts for you for GROWTOBER and working so hard on the @blom_cards has also really helped me. Revisiting many of these mental health tips has refreshed them in my mind
Hope this helps
Here’s to being OPEN. For openness leads to FREEDOM. Here’s to the end of secrets and shame. Here’s to hugs and kindly faces. Here’s to the TRUTH that we aren’t alone. Here’s to the END of silencing our own anxiety, depression and neuroses. Here’s to HOPE that THERE IS A WAY through. Here’s to the tentative budding choice to believe that WE ARE WORTH IT. Here’s to tears of RELIEF that comes when we take the risk of talking to the right people. Here’s to the beginning of the END OF STIGMA. Here’s to the start of VALUING our own processes. Here’s to RECONCILIATION. Families and relationships REBUILT. Here’s to RECOVERY. Here’s to the investment in making KINDER choices. Here’s to SELF CARE even if it feels unnatural at first. Here’s to picking up the phone to SUPPORT NETWORKS. Here’s to daring to LEAN ON others. Here’s to learning more about what it feels to be ACCEPTED and the conscious act of letting yourself be LOVED. Here’s to chipping away at the power we’ve given abusers and bullies and CLAIMING BACK our ground. Here’s to TAKING UP SPACE in the world and recognising that we DESERVE it as much as the next person. Here’s to starving the critical voice and FEEDING the one that says I’m INNATELY VALUABLE. Here’s to STANDING ALONGSIDE EACH OTHER, brothers, sisters, just finding our way through. Here’s to STARTING THIS JOURNEY. Here’s to CONTINUING THE CONVERSATION about mental health. I cried writing this. I truly believe that every word is possible. If I can spend my entire life sharing, writing and talking about this message in the hopes some of it may provide people with increased freedom and understanding of their worth, I will.